Ebook Download , by Sue Johnson Susan M. Johnson
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, by Sue Johnson Susan M. Johnson
Ebook Download , by Sue Johnson Susan M. Johnson
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Product details
File Size: 1327 KB
Print Length: 353 pages
Publisher: Little, Brown and Company (December 31, 2013)
Publication Date: December 31, 2013
Sold by: Hachette Book Group
Language: English
ASIN: B00CO7FL24
Text-to-Speech:
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#80,732 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
I started with reading her first book "Hold Me Tight." Absolutely loved it! Then I went on to this book, loved it again. The way she frames couple interactions as attachment bonds completely opened up my mind and heart to understand love and how we get stuck in patterns that veil and close the door or love. Reading through the various examples of couple breakthroughs using EFT helped me realize that we have alternate choices in communication besides the usual criticize-attack mode or the withdraw go-cold mode that we all too often get caught up in when relationships get stressed. This cuts down to the core of relationships issues and distress, and gives awesome tools for "changing the dance" as she likes to say. I'm reading her book for therapists now, "The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy," because I find this information so valuable and transformative. I also highly recommend it to my colleagues, patients, and anyone suffering from relationship distress, or just wants to better understand this unique and special human bond at a deeper level.
Sue Johnson has a gift for presenting science with such delight and joy that it's like opening an extra special birthday present that the giver is as excited about as the receiver. In Love Sense, Sue opens up the science of love for all of us. She begins by pointing out that our first instinct is to seek contact and comforting connection rather than sex or aggression. This idea opens up a whole new arena for understanding behavior and interactions. The idea that we must stand alone and strive for independence falls away for the idea that what we all really need is closeness and comfort. We worry that if we are "too soft" that we will raise self centered people but, in fact, we are mostly driven to be empathic rather than competitive. Sue reveals the science of her ideas in much the same way that Richard Feynman reveals physics - with joy and engagement. Sue discusses emotion, the brain, sex, monogamy. She addresses many issues couples struggle with over a lifetime of partnership such as making a commitment, parenthood, coping with the empty nest, retirement. Along this journey, Sue explains the common cycles couples get into and the emotion that is underneath those cycles that drives them. She uses examples from her work with couples to demonstrate what happens in these dynamics and how attachment styles and needs affect each person. She slows down the dynamics and digs deep into the emotion and attachment needs to expose what reassurance or support is needed to circumvent the cycle. In chapter nine Sue tells a love story and describes a betrayal between a couple, the opening up, understanding what was happening between them that created the environment for this fracture to happen and then the repair. This will be a wonderful piece for our clients to read to begin to understand the opening that needs to happen when people have hurt each other. Sue moves on to expose many of the challenges we have in our ability to be present with those we love. Throughout this book, the conversational style Sue has, her deep understanding of her subject and her passion for this topic are palpable. This book will be a best seller and I believe that it will create the revolution Sue talks about. We will begin to find each other, open up to each other, expose our vulnerability, understand our emotions and heal our interpersonal fractures. Thank you Sue for caring enough to bring forward these important messages. This is a lovely, mesmerizing book.
Sue Johnson's perspective on relationship dynamics is core to our current scientific understanding of love. She writes well and persuasively makes her point that the need for bonding comes from deep instinctual roots, and when our bond with our beloved is threatened we respond typically with either a fight or flight response.This is probably the most useful book I can recommend to my clients to help them understand the basic dynamics of loving relationships. This, and Dr. Johnson's previous book, - Seven Conversations - which is extremely helpful for couples who are working through distress. These two books are essential reading to anyone who wants to understand how love works and what often makes it go sour. Still, both these books can be difficult for the layperson to follow in places; and somewhat frustrating for the practitioner/scientist who wants really clear links to the research base she claims to depend on for her many assertions.The book has a set of references for each chapter, but these are unfortunately for the entire chapter and are difficult to link with the many individual assertions she makes in each chapter. Thus it is unfortunately extremely difficult to follow how her "research-based" arguments and conclusions are really linked to research. This is particularly vexing in her chapter which asserts monogamy is essential to human bonding, which is a controversial issue.Attachment Theory does not, of course, explain the whole mystery of love - as if anything really can. Readers who are looking for the "single silver bullet" to understanding their relationships and resolving relationship differences will be disappointed, although Johnson's work goes a long way toward this understanding. A convergence of contemporary theories on relationship goes further to this end. For example Harville Hendrix's work on Imago theory (based on Jung's Imago theory) is still essential to understanding how opposites attract (but you have to sort of subtract some of the rigid psychosexual developmental theory of Freud that Hendrix's work also hinges upon). Also, the work by John and Julie Gottman on what is needed to "Build a relationship house" is extremely helpful for couples who often lack a sense of basic direction and basic relationship skills - but of course the Gottmans' work is really a collection of useful observations rather than a cohesive theory about relationship and bonding. Sue John's work, and John Bowlby's work before her, prove a clear theoretical foundation for understanding relationships. You might think Sue Johnson's writings on attachment theory as providing the FOUNDATION upon which the work of Hendricks and the Gottman's can stand. Without the foundational understanding of attachment theory provided by Johnson the edifices built by Hendrix and the Gottmans can not stand firm.
Quite the eye opening scientific study of why we are who we are and what we can do about it. I have already recommended the book to friends and family members in order for them to see themselves through this view of how the mind develops though the actions of those we care about the most. The creation on attachment styles through the actions of others is a phenomenon that awakes our realization of why we act the way we do under certain conditions.If this was required reading in every K-12 curriculum, it would do the world a huge favor.Read it and pass it along!
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